Left with a bout week now till im finally free from the island..i thought i was gonna be like one of them who get trap on the island forever and never really get out from the web.. but i did..but you know if he hadn't left without sayin anythin to me..i think i would still be there..coz he was my motivation..coz of e way he act..but now after sending my resignation letter and e day comin closer..i dun feel like i wan to leave anymore..tats coz deep in my heart i really love tat place coz it's really a fun place to be..it's carefree and there isn't much rules or any using of brain..it's more of ppl interaction..or maybe i just dun wanna grow up yet..i still wan to be in tat childish lane but looks like i have to change lane now..I still remember very clearly the first time when i come into the island, i thought i wasn't gonna click wif anyone or even have any common interest wif them..and i remember sittin in e office on my first day thinkin..im not gonna make frens wif them..im just gonna come to work find money and go..but a month later..im rens wif everyone and laughin and fooling around..i wasn't expecting things to be tat way..but den one by one e ones tat im close wif left and i was lonely again..but still i didn't quit my job..coz im loving it..So now..im close wif everyone..i'll will always remember e best and worse time i have over there..it's just another old chapter in my life..Now that im leavin..i dunno wat will i miss e most.. the ppl there, the easy-goin lifestyle, the love tat was found there, e gossip girls, the naggers..everythin i guess..Anyway alot of ppl comin over my house 2day, grandma is sick again..i pity her so much coz she can hardly stand and walk due to the infection on her right foot.. I wish she'll get better soon..coz i really love her very very much..and i can't imagine wat life would be without her..who am i gonna hug and lay next to before i go to bed..watever it is..i will always lover..sometimes i think i love her more than my own mom..anyway no more emo shit for me..hahaha...coz im Miss Independant..Stupid Grin on my face..
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
12:25 PM
Im feeling very very fine 2day, well tats coz last nite at exactly 1 in the morning.. i just found out tat i have been accepted as an allied teaching..and tats a very good news for me..coz it's a ticket out of sentosa and misery and nagging from my mom to find a good job..i dunno if they're proud tat their girl is doin wat they always wanted me to do..i dunno if its wat i wan to do..but im willing to give it a shot..like i say..dis isn't wat i imagine my life would turn out to be..so yes it's far more than wat i had imagine..but this is reality and not everythin in reality comes true..so i guess i just have to make best out of it..on the bright side..looks like i completed one of my wishlist isn't it..one down and more to go..so i kindda have a rough plan of my life right now if i wanna get the tyres of my car rolling..it's not tat much and i'll juts make use of wat i have now...
I haven tell them of me leavin yet..kindda afraid wat they would think..and i'll miss sentosa..some of the ppl there that i've been close wif and those who are true and loyal to me..im scared,nervous, and mixed of all other feeling..i dun wan to leave but i wan to..e only reason i dun wan to leave is coz of tat someone..but my sister is calling my stupid..and sayin isn't there any other guy other than him...yes there is..but i can't find him..he was suppose to go to spain and he's back here but i dunno where he is now..
I love sunflower..
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
1:43 PM
He's a man of many charms,
She's a girl with need of love,
He's a man of many deceive and luring is his game,
She's just a silly girl waiting for a prince on a white horse,
He says the most sweetest thing and a poison hidden by words,
She's just a naive girl who wans dreams made up of stars and glittery,
He hides many maidens, for he is unresistable,
She knows wat he is, but it's too late to run,
He knows he had her hook up, coz he knows he's addictive,
She wans to run but she's trap, her heart calls for him everynite,
He knows he's on top of the game, he's the piper, and all mice follows,
she's the mice, just like any other mice, she's wans to shine, but she's just another,
He has a favourite, and he shows, when the queen is there, he's a different man,
She hates him, the way he acts, she wans him to be truthful, but it hurts,
This story will nvr end, and he will always be that man,
And she will always be that silly girl tryin to win his heart,
She's hurt, she's angry, she can't take it she wans to leave,
He keep luring her in, deeper
She can only depend on herself, and be true to what her heart says.
Marziana
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
12:01 AM
Im not a driver in my life right now..im am out of control, and i have lost my road and can't find way...right now this isn't the type of life that i thought i would be right now...in my perfect dream, i am a sucessful person with all the money in e world, driving my mercedes benz to work, owing all the thigs from a designer and a hot bf by my side..call me materialistic all u may..but tats wat everyone wans their life to be..
I would like to say tat i dun have any regrets in anythin i have been doin for e past few years, den i would just be lying to myself..i dun owe anyone for where i am now..but just myself..i guess sometimes in life u just make mistake in decision making and when everythin starts to fall apart, u just realize it's just too late..sometimes ppl tell me not to give up and try my best to get up and find another solution..but lately it seem to me tat there's nothin tat can be done to save me..i mean for goodness sake, i pick myself up again and again but i still fall down, maybe im just not tryin hard enough or im just scared to find another way...im really really startin to feel helpless and i tell u tat e shortcut always seem a tempting solution to all dis, but there's always the consequences of it..it means tat i will get further deeper into e woods and further away from e road..
And all this stress things are making me to start to lose the little happiness and fun in me..i can go a day wif a fake smile and a friendly chripy mood..but dee inside im crumbling..and i hate pretending to be okay and i hate it tat ppl think im okay..coz den i have to pretend tat i am.. i tend to space out dis few weeks..ppl would be babbling to me and suddenly poof im somewhere else..this is wat happens when u take ur life a day at a time..
A fren told me dis..
A man took out a 20 bucks from his wallet and hold it infront of a grp of ppl,
"Who would like to have dis?"
Everyone hold their hands high.
The man den crumple the 20 buckz and asked the same question again.
Again everyone put their hands up.
The man den throw the money to e ground and start to stamp the money.
Now the money is all crumpled and dirty, he asked the same question again.
And still everyone put their hands up again.
Do you see the morale of it,
No matter wat e man did to the money, it didn't decrease the value of it.
Many times in our lives, we've failed many times..
And we thought ourself as worthless..
Creased, clean, crumpled or dirty, we are still tat 20 buckz
We shouldn't decrease in our value, coz all of us start as a champion.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
12:57 PM
Gonna watch 17 again 2day..and im waitin for e time to pass till e time i'll meet e rest of them..totally unplan outing 2day..i think they're kindda tired coz they have to wake up like 3 in e mornin for tat sky tower drill..phew, lucky for me i have a choice wether i wan to come or not..and shafiiq haven even call me even though i have text him for like i dunno how many times..just hope he gets my msg..coz it's a packed shedule for him..sky tower drill, skool, movie wif us, and a shoppin date wif wani..
Another an hour till im goin to meet them..and im gettin so sleepy..sleepy sleepy me..anyway gotta go and get ready..update to u guys later...
Is Zac Efron gettin hot or wat
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
3:08 PM
Today's sunday and im slacking at home..and im super tired, bored,and lonely..hahaha tats coz noone's at home just mummy and daddy and they're busy wif e chores at home..and my irritating sister went for a holiday wif my granny to port dickson..and as usual she cried before leaving as my mom did not went wif them..eventually she went..and ever since e house is kindda peaceful..
Went to work for e past 3 days..nothin different oher than there's alot of ppl but nothin i can't handle..saw leo..just say hi to him and didn't have any small talk..and his "GF" was there..so he didn't really entertain me and i just can't be bother anymore..Yesterday i lost my temper to one of e new staff at merlion..i mean i really lose it..i can't help it as she keep interupting me whenever i tried to say somethin..but i feel bad for tellin her off..but watever..And i wanted to do orientation grp yesterday but kasturie says there isn't any..sad or wat..hahaha..or well maybe next time when there is a grp.
And BTW im addicted to pet society in facebook..hahaha..ANyway i can't wait to watch zac efron..
Bored to tears..wahhh
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
12:05 PM
Didn't went to work for e past 1 week already..i dun have e mood to work anymore and no motivation like i used to..it's like i dun care about anythin anymore and now my main purpose for comin to work is just to earn money..COME TO WORK,FINISH GO HOME..sometimes i feel alittle underappreciated not at workplace but at home too,wif my frens and all...i wish life was easier and simpler..maybe it is simple i just making it seems difficult.. I want to get out from this place..i want to go somewhere where noone knows me..but hey dun everyone wish tat..i wan to change my road but it's hard..well im tryin to make tat possible..So right now im tryin to love myself..everythin bout me..and being a gal makes it kindda hard coz we tend to have self-esteem problem and all..but nevertheless, im tryin..once i learn to love myself..to e second step..TAKE CONTROL..Anyway granny is goin to port ickson for a holiday for e next 3 days while im stuck at home..wish i wasn't working den i would come wif them..but..BUT..no money means no fun rite..hahah..im broke..and i need a new piece of top...so gonna go a little window shopping wif kin on friday..and hopefully i get to buy somethin i like...Dun u think tat everytime we're broke..there's always stuff tat attracts our attention and e desire to buy it but ur just plain broke...and when u got e money and ur feeling alittle heavy on e pocket, there's nothin tat u like tat u can buy..tsk tsk..Arghh, im havin bad rashes on my feet and it's bad..it's itchy and swollen..and it looks bad..and it's itchin rite now..hahaha..hope it gets better very soon..I love me,do u?
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
7:15 PM
ALright... haven been blogging for quite awhile..been busy wif stuff, i dun really have much to say right now, other than i am bored rite now.. and i dun really wan to go out either..
So work have been alright, just e normal everyday life @ Sentosa..scandals, biasness, bitching..kindda like gossip girl meets the desperate houswives..hahaha..Y'now work life is kindda different from skool..and sometimes i wish i can back to e skool days where u dun get judge or being picked at, and most of all worries...there's nothin much to worry bout other than worrying bout passing ur exams and making past to the next grade..
Talking bout skools..i wish i can go back to sec 2..tat was the best day of my life EVER..there's so many things tat happen tat can't be written down here...First was gettin close to my good frens..and gettin into trouble wif them but nvr get caught for any of it..guess im just lucky..and i remember being almost suspended for spreading rumours bout my fren..damn i was scared tat my mom was gonna beat e hell out of me..i couldn't sleep tat night coz i was just worrying e day i would get caught for it..but tat moment nvr came..(: lucky me..
It's also e year tat i met my first love..he was different from any boy in my class and he was a year older than me..and i wouldn't say he was cute or good looking..but wat caught ,y heart was tat he wrote on a piece of letter and on the letter it says " You have a beautiful smile and i like it".. i guess gals like being complimented bout them..being notice e way u smile..ur eyes...not you being hot or sexy or watever...
I am Miss Independant..Dare to take me on?
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
1:46 PM
