Do You Think You Know Who I Am

2010-04-25T15:04:00.004+08:00

Alritey..i haven been updatin dis blog and i think noone really read it anyway..even if i bad mouth tat person and mention their name here..noone would even know..and yes im still e old me..emoish and all..

im havin a heart pain..i can't believe e things i've missed throughout e years or maybe it just meant to be tat way or maybe i just take a different route or decision..but watever it is tat decisions have been made and all..tat Mr Incredible msg and he seems to be a different person that i used to know..he's not e same..i dunno..maybe tats him..maybe he's change..and it breaks my heart like literally to know what he is like..okok..so i maybe be like babbling nonsense or watever..sometimes i wish i just have someone tat i can really talk to really venge out all of dis..i dunno wat to call it..not tat frens aren't listenin or concern..but u just dun tell them e whole truth..

im sad e way my life turn out to be..ppl say ur thinkin too much..am i? i wan to change dis person..i dun wan to be me anymore..i wan to be rude,brave,i wan to do bad things, i wanna swear and shout my lungs out will my tonsil drop out..i wanna do things tat i've nvr done before..for god sake im tired of ppl sayin im a good girl..i dun wan to be a good girl..so how..google up on how to be a bad girl..tats lame..okok..i feel alittle bit better..ok im lying..not even abit better..

Kicking the bins as i walk past

2009-10-04T19:25:00.003+08:00

Im so tired rite now..like mentally..arghh i need motivation like seriously before i start slckin like mad..have to prepare some lesson plans but kindda in no mood to do anythin..hmmm tmr i'll do it..yea rite..and tmr will turn e next day and e next and e next and den forever..

Suppose to go running 2day but sadly i trade them in wif mac..sigh..it's been a long time since i run..and im startin to feel heavier if u know wat i mean..

anyway last fri, my skool organize dis latern festival thingy..it was beautiful..to see e skool compound to be lighten up wif candles and brightly colored lanterns..just too bad i didn't took any pic of tat..oh yea..we had photoshoot..man it was fun..i'll scan some pics once it's been uploaded into e year book..till den..

2009-09-24T21:07:00.002+08:00

Urgh..another observation..hope i dun get tat panic attack yet..and e funny thing is, i have not even send e dates and im already havin tat all-weird feelin in my tummy..well it's a good thing tat im nervous bout it coz tat means i actually cares bout it. i hope i dun sux like e last time... but i dunno y..dis time..e term is just too short to have any observation..exams are like wat. 3 weeks away..like wtf...

so yea.panic panic panic...e roof is on fire..and ur drownin in e sea..

if tat ever makes sense..

2009-09-15T22:00:00.001+08:00

Arghhh!!! music lesson tmr..and im so nervous..gotta plan for it..gotta sing..my voice croaks like a frog..!!!!!

2009-09-14T23:16:00.004+08:00

Good morning, Upper Eastsider..Gossip girl here, your one and only source of the life of Manhattan elite..lol

Startin to get hook up on gossip girl again..especially on chuck bass..man he's so hot.

Anyway had a wonderful day 2day..wasn't wat i expected but i think it's goin to be a good term. and im gonna try extra hard. And fyi it was damn freakin hot dis afternoon..like hot hot..as i was walkin around e skool..i swear i can feel e heat from e ground..

Anyway hari raya comin..secretly...i hate e first day coz tats e time where i have to help mummy prepare things before e guests come..and oh man..my room..ARRGHHHH!!!! Books,Clothes,Underwear all over e floor..lol..well lucky for me i have work..so my dear sister,hafizah..gotta clean e room..anyway good luck sis..i pay for u tat u dun find any dead bugs..

HAPPY SNEEZING EVERYONE..

2009-09-13T20:24:00.004+08:00

It's been sometime since i blog here, well tats coz i've been such a lazy bum..a slacker will always be a slacker..:P
anyway much have happen since i last update here.. but i dun think i an to metion anythin on it..

I think growin up is hard coz like all of u who know me..i such a childish baby..but somehow i think i've grown..sometimes i feel like i have split personality coz when im at skool..im like dis walkin adult who knows no fun and when im wif my sentosa frens..im like dis crazy loud babblin blur gal..and i kindda like tat one rather than e other one..

Anyway went out of a nite picnic wif e very lovely DSLICIOUS..man..how i missed those 'i dun care' days..but watever it is..i'll always make use of every fun moment wif them..

And FYI..i hate pretenders..oh yes..ppl who pretends to be somethin else and behind them..actin tough and all but secretly scared of their own conseqences..so to u ppl out there..who live thier life lyin to their loved ones.. may one day u see of ur own action and learn of it before u get wats to come..
WHAT COMES AROUND, COMES AROUND

2009-07-11T13:30:00.002+08:00

It's been a week since i've updated it.. i didn't teaching could be a hard job..it's like totally all-serious kindda thing..and ur always being judge by e upper management on ur progress, it's so different from sentosa..where it's all fun and u dun have much thinkin and usin of e brain..hahah

I guess it's e time to grow up and now tat i have someone tats helpin me out..i can't let her down..no way..i dun wan to be one of those who failed..even though i dun 100% lovin it..it's life and it's time to grow up..i guess it's time to say bye to e old me..and to a new more grown up me..tats sux coz tats wat i am..should i change just for dis..it's so hard..and nowadays im startin to have doubts bout myself..maybe it isn't e right thing for me.. but im not like one of those person who gives up just like tat.. so next week onwards..im gonna try and do it..it's the time now..so i guess no playin for right now..

Taking initiative..and god im teaching english..shit..look at my own english at my blog..math is alrite..although most of e time i just sit at e back and watch and occsionally help out wif e understandin..oh man.. im so stress out rite now.. hmmm i have to talk to e teachers on monday..hmm..

2009-07-02T19:43:00.001+08:00

Im totally in the super drowsy mode rite now, tats coz i just woke up from a nap, was super tired 2day maybe tats coz it's been sometimes when i have to work in a straight days but on e bright side weekends off, so another one more day till week end comes, i guess it isn't tat bad..was rainin so heavy 2day and i got water in my shoes..lol and oh yea blisters!!! omg tats is why i prefer wearin slippers.man.. so painfully..

Skool was fine, Was the first time i actually conduct art class and i was sooo nervous but luckiyl i know wat they're suppose to do.. i think rite now i sux at gettin e kids excited over e work and gettin their attention...and explainin to them wat they're suppose to do, i guess practice makes perfect..oh and english class tmr.. tats makin me nervous, teachin art is alrite coz i know wats it's all about but english math..i doubt so...

So went to watch transformer yesterday wif min, god it's so good, thinkin of watchin it again, maybe wif my sis, i dunno..lol..super action comedy pack hi-fi movie...

~~haha, e kids drawing is so funny but full of meanin of wat they're thinkin~~

2009-06-30T20:45:00.002+08:00

I have alot of events comin up next week, NE show CIP and........
i dun have much to do again 2day like yesterday as im still under observing and it's gettin boring.. well hopefully next week i get a chance to do some action and papers tat need to be marks..and i think im goin to conduct my first lesson on friday.. yuckz.. im scared and nervous.. i mean wat if i stutter would they know.. to tell u e truth i get pretty clueless and nervous when e kids asked me somethin tat i have no idea or they start behavin badly.. but overall i think i did manage to manage them..hahaha i just need time to get use to all dis.. coz as u can see it's been sometimes since im in e primary education, coz it;s different in tetiary level..where it's so flexible..
coz now.. u hav eto be wif e kids everywhere u go.. pick them to e class after recess,make them queue up in twos and move quietly..

anyway i have some things to plan out..and im really crackin my head for a solution.. and i better get start on it..

~~ Yawn..ZZZzzzz..XXxxxxxx ~~

2009-06-29T19:39:00.002+08:00

Im so tired rite now, it's been a long day and i just got back like an hour ago.. skool was fun even though it feels weird to be e one in-charge instead of being e one learning.. it was kindda weird at first coz i dunno wat i should do and say to them, but it turns out alrite.. i didn't do anythin much though, just sat through out e class at e back to observe and help relief a class, well i did handle it well u can say, it's wasn't tat excellent.. okok.. i just asked them to take out a book and read, well they did wat i told them and e class was quite for e one hour...

I made some new frens, so it's a progress from e first day, and i met another AED like me.. omg.. we're practically came from e same poly and e same engineerin block, i thought her face was familiar.. hahaha.. anyway we clicked, so tats a good thing, coz next year me and her we're gonna be in e same team to help e students out..

I wanna watch transformer, maybe dis thursday, when i get my gst, im broke.. oh plz plz plz.. pay come earlier...

Oh man, block nose and i can't breathe

2009-06-28T20:21:00.002+08:00

Hello, a very good evening to all of u readers, 2day im kindda in a happy mood and i have no idea why.. maybe it's e nerves of skool tmr..and i have to wake up super early tmr.. and rite now im wishin i have a car so i dun have to take public transport and waitin for buses.. geez need to get a license, if only im no ttat lazy to take e practical.. i hate them, it's like so damn slow and i just wan to like.. demand them for e license and e waitin.. hate it..

Oh and im soooooo in love wif david cook.. arghh i can't take him out of my mind and it's drivin me insane, i mean he's not tat technically good lookin but he's so charming and e songs.. ick.. it's insane..hahaha

Anyway ill update on wats happen tmr.. erm.. tme..hahaha bye

David david david...Cooookkk~~~~~

2009-06-27T20:19:00.002+08:00

Omg, it's been forever since i blog here..not tat i've been busy or wat, i just got lazy. So it's been a month since i left sentosa and i won't deny it tat i dun miss my sunny little happy island.. oh and my merlion and my locker and my ticket trip, my podium, e littl merlion office, uncle, my frens, e tour guides, and e memories, oh my my my i miss everythin.. but i guess not everythin is suppose to last in life..

Well on e 21 of june 2009, went to sakura to celebrate fizzah's birthday(HAPPY BITHDAY SIS, sorry no presents..lol) oh before tat we celbrate izzat's birthday too went to surprise him at his house..

Life's been alrite but im still in a daze of wats goin, so dis comin monday im goin to be officially be an allied educator at my skool. Im nervous and scared and confuse, coz it's kindda a bad timing wif all dis flu goin around, so it's goin to be a hectic monday. and i still dunno wat i should do.. well i do have an idea.. but im still not sure.. so dis one week's gonna be really super duper busy..

I wonder wats he's doin now, does he even care??

Shopping tmr!!!

2009-05-14T13:14:00.004+08:00

Went out wif my 2 good frens yesterday coz we got dis ASA card...so we went to Sentosa wif a cable car..i always thought height dun scared me but apparently they do..so i kindda jump into e cable car like a clumsy gorilla..haha i hate when im such a clutz coz tat gives an opportunity for ppl to make fun of me..but anyway i sit still e whole journey to e island and without me realizing tat i was holdin tightly to Kin's arm for my dear life..again they make fun out of it..i was kindda embarrass bout it...and e whole ride ends..den we went to the butterfly park..hahah it was freakin boring..and den kin got chase by a butterfly and she kindda let out a shriek..hahha it was damn funny...

After tat we headed out to e underwater world..it was fun..we spent quite a long time over there talkin bout how we would eat e fishes there..hahaha...
So i wasn't plannin to meet anyone there and i dun actually wish to..but kindda bump into e staff..put on my smile and say hi..god how i miss sentosa...

Went to the flyers..it was first time for Kin and Via so they were excited bout it and it was alrite for me..coz i just wan to spent time wif them tats all..we haven seen each other for such a long time..

Den went for coffee..sat about..talk bout everythin...i realize how much i miss them..so gonna go out wif them again soon..and gonna have a nice time wif them again..

Im embracing my life..

2009-05-09T14:08:00.003+08:00

Shit im bored to tears rite now..waiting for khariya to come over my place where e heck is she i cook some food for her and her family but they're not here yet and im freaking bored..hey khariya u went clubbin is it..haha looks like i have another reason to blackmail u..and u dun have anythin on me..haha:P

So yesterday had alittle mother's day event cut some ice cream cake..hmmm..and e fact tat i just my run in e afternoon and there goes my effort of tryin to shed a few pounds..it's alrite shall go for a run wif fizah 2day..anyone wanna join me for a trip to e gym..and FYI im not gonna run wif daddy again..haha he's no fun at all..

I need to go to bugis..

Nest month gonna be one hectic month..i can feel it..any ideas on how are we gonna celebrate Zaidi's farewell party..i need themes food games!!!!! and an invitation for a sleepover to everyone..

2009-05-07T22:23:00.004+08:00

When to sign my contract just now..gettin very nervous now and a month to come from 2day..and i have so many things to settle within dis 2 weeks gonna be so busy..

Got lost just now tryin to find the building i asked dis auntie and she doesn't even know where the hell is tat place but lucky for me a nice man come to my rescue and show me the building..went up listen to some boring briefing and regulation..omg..im now a civil servant for the goverment..hahaha is tat a good title or wat..they went thru some of the mottos and goals and stuff..sign my contract and left e place..

And then i lost my way again in the unground..complicated or wat they have so many exit points and tat i couldn't even find where the train station is..got a call from ad she's not feeling very good..she has some infection or somethin so she got hospitilaize..maybe will go down to visit her when im not too busy wif my stuff..and i need to come down to sentosa to get my shoe..yikes!

Missing my Merlion..roaarr..

2009-05-06T22:30:00.002+08:00

So today was my last day of work..nothin much really happen coz it was a super slow day..but had a very fun day wif aishah..gonna miss her or she's gonna miss me more..stood at e merlion ticket trip and start jokin bout and talkin nonsense.. u know i used to have so much difficulties in havin a simple conversation wif her..i remember e first time i met her..she didn't even wan to give me a smile and i thought she was stuck up and after tat didn't really tlk to her till like a few months back when we got kindda close..

So just now on my lonely back home in e train..i thought how funny is tat i can remember all e first time moment of meetin e ppl in Sentosa..funny, weird feeling it gives out...Hazlan came down to Merlion just for awhile and we kindda talk abit..and i told him if he remember e day me haslan farhana and saleha we work together every friday..and god how much we miss tat...

And e saddest thingfor me is tat..when u just startin to make fren wif someone new over there..it's time for u to leave..like dis couple last days..meet someone was fun interestin a potential fun fren to hang out wif and i have to go..and for this few reasons it makes me wan to stay just alittle bit longer..but den i would be stuck forever..

I smell like baby powder

2009-05-03T22:02:00.002+08:00

I dun have much to say for this few days..been pretty much busy with preparing my skool stuff and gettin worried coz i haven get a call from them yet bout an appointment for e skool..so yea very worried....anyway dun wanna bored some ppl wif my composition..lol..u guys..anyway still i will always love u guys..

2009-04-25T12:25:00.003+08:00

Left with a bout week now till im finally free from the island..i thought i was gonna be like one of them who get trap on the island forever and never really get out from the web.. but i did..but you know if he hadn't left without sayin anythin to me..i think i would still be there..coz he was my motivation..coz of e way he act..but now after sending my resignation letter and e day comin closer..i dun feel like i wan to leave anymore..tats coz deep in my heart i really love tat place coz it's really a fun place to be..it's carefree and there isn't much rules or any using of brain..it's more of ppl interaction..or maybe i just dun wanna grow up yet..i still wan to be in tat childish lane but looks like i have to change lane now..

I still remember very clearly the first time when i come into the island, i thought i wasn't gonna click wif anyone or even have any common interest wif them..and i remember sittin in e office on my first day thinkin..im not gonna make frens wif them..im just gonna come to work find money and go..but a month later..im rens wif everyone and laughin and fooling around..i wasn't expecting things to be tat way..but den one by one e ones tat im close wif left and i was lonely again..but still i didn't quit my job..coz im loving it..

So now..im close wif everyone..i'll will always remember e best and worse time i have over there..it's just another old chapter in my life..Now that im leavin..i dunno wat will i miss e most.. the ppl there, the easy-goin lifestyle, the love tat was found there, e gossip girls, the naggers..everythin i guess..

Anyway alot of ppl comin over my house 2day, grandma is sick again..i pity her so much coz she can hardly stand and walk due to the infection on her right foot.. I wish she'll get better soon..coz i really love her very very much..and i can't imagine wat life would be without her..who am i gonna hug and lay next to before i go to bed..watever it is..i will always lover..sometimes i think i love her more than my own mom..anyway no more emo shit for me..hahaha...coz im Miss Independant..

Stupid Grin on my face..

2009-04-22T13:43:00.003+08:00

Im feeling very very fine 2day, well tats coz last nite at exactly 1 in the morning.. i just found out tat i have been accepted as an allied teaching..and tats a very good news for me..coz it's a ticket out of sentosa and misery and nagging from my mom to find a good job..i dunno if they're proud tat their girl is doin wat they always wanted me to do..i dunno if its wat i wan to do..but im willing to give it a shot..like i say..dis isn't wat i imagine my life would turn out to be..so yes it's far more than wat i had imagine..but this is reality and not everythin in reality comes true..so i guess i just have to make best out of it..on the bright side..looks like i completed one of my wishlist isn't it..one down and more to go..so i kindda have a rough plan of my life right now if i wanna get the tyres of my car rolling..it's not tat much and i'll juts make use of wat i have now...

I haven tell them of me leavin yet..kindda afraid wat they would think..and i'll miss sentosa..some of the ppl there that i've been close wif and those who are true and loyal to me..im scared,nervous, and mixed of all other feeling..i dun wan to leave but i wan to..e only reason i dun wan to leave is coz of tat someone..but my sister is calling my stupid..and sayin isn't there any other guy other than him...yes there is..but i can't find him..he was suppose to go to spain and he's back here but i dunno where he is now..

I love sunflower..

2009-04-21T00:01:00.003+08:00

He's a man of many charms,

She's a girl with need of love,

He's a man of many deceive and luring is his game,

She's just a silly girl waiting for a prince on a white horse,

He says the most sweetest thing and a poison hidden by words,

She's just a naive girl who wans dreams made up of stars and glittery,

He hides many maidens, for he is unresistable,

She knows wat he is, but it's too late to run,

He knows he had her hook up, coz he knows he's addictive,

She wans to run but she's trap, her heart calls for him everynite,

He knows he's on top of the game, he's the piper, and all mice follows,

she's the mice, just like any other mice, she's wans to shine, but she's just another,

He has a favourite, and he shows, when the queen is there, he's a different man,

She hates him, the way he acts, she wans him to be truthful, but it hurts,

This story will nvr end, and he will always be that man,

And she will always be that silly girl tryin to win his heart,

She's hurt, she's angry, she can't take it she wans to leave,

He keep luring her in, deeper

She can only depend on herself, and be true to what her heart says.

Marziana

2009-04-19T12:57:00.005+08:00

Im not a driver in my life right now..im am out of control, and i have lost my road and can't find way...right now this isn't the type of life that i thought i would be right now...in my perfect dream, i am a sucessful person with all the money in e world, driving my mercedes benz to work, owing all the thigs from a designer and a hot bf by my side..call me materialistic all u may..but tats wat everyone wans their life to be..

I would like to say tat i dun have any regrets in anythin i have been doin for e past few years, den i would just be lying to myself..i dun owe anyone for where i am now..but just myself..i guess sometimes in life u just make mistake in decision making and when everythin starts to fall apart, u just realize it's just too late..sometimes ppl tell me not to give up and try my best to get up and find another solution..but lately it seem to me tat there's nothin tat can be done to save me..i mean for goodness sake, i pick myself up again and again but i still fall down, maybe im just not tryin hard enough or im just scared to find another way...im really really startin to feel helpless and i tell u tat e shortcut always seem a tempting solution to all dis, but there's always the consequences of it..it means tat i will get further deeper into e woods and further away from e road..

And all this stress things are making me to start to lose the little happiness and fun in me..i can go a day wif a fake smile and a friendly chripy mood..but dee inside im crumbling..and i hate pretending to be okay and i hate it tat ppl think im okay..coz den i have to pretend tat i am.. i tend to space out dis few weeks..ppl would be babbling to me and suddenly poof im somewhere else..this is wat happens when u take ur life a day at a time..

A fren told me dis..
A man took out a 20 bucks from his wallet and hold it infront of a grp of ppl,
"Who would like to have dis?"
Everyone hold their hands high.
The man den crumple the 20 buckz and asked the same question again.
Again everyone put their hands up.
The man den throw the money to e ground and start to stamp the money.
Now the money is all crumpled and dirty, he asked the same question again.
And still everyone put their hands up again.

Do you see the morale of it,
No matter wat e man did to the money, it didn't decrease the value of it.
Many times in our lives, we've failed many times..
And we thought ourself as worthless..
Creased, clean, crumpled or dirty, we are still tat 20 buckz
We shouldn't decrease in our value, coz all of us start as a champion.

2009-04-16T15:08:00.003+08:00

Gonna watch 17 again 2day..and im waitin for e time to pass till e time i'll meet e rest of them..totally unplan outing 2day..i think they're kindda tired coz they have to wake up like 3 in e mornin for tat sky tower drill..phew, lucky for me i have a choice wether i wan to come or not..and shafiiq haven even call me even though i have text him for like i dunno how many times..just hope he gets my msg..coz it's a packed shedule for him..sky tower drill, skool, movie wif us, and a shoppin date wif wani..

Another an hour till im goin to meet them..and im gettin so sleepy..sleepy sleepy me..anyway gotta go and get ready..update to u guys later...

Is Zac Efron gettin hot or wat

2009-04-12T12:05:00.003+08:00

Today's sunday and im slacking at home..and im super tired, bored,and lonely..hahaha tats coz noone's at home just mummy and daddy and they're busy wif e chores at home..and my irritating sister went for a holiday wif my granny to port dickson..and as usual she cried before leaving as my mom did not went wif them..eventually she went..and ever since e house is kindda peaceful..

Went to work for e past 3 days..nothin different oher than there's alot of ppl but nothin i can't handle..saw leo..just say hi to him and didn't have any small talk..and his "GF" was there..so he didn't really entertain me and i just can't be bother anymore..Yesterday i lost my temper to one of e new staff at merlion..i mean i really lose it..i can't help it as she keep interupting me whenever i tried to say somethin..but i feel bad for tellin her off..but watever..And i wanted to do orientation grp yesterday but kasturie says there isn't any..sad or wat..hahaha..or well maybe next time when there is a grp.

And BTW im addicted to pet society in facebook..hahaha..ANyway i can't wait to watch zac efron..

Bored to tears..wahhh

2009-04-08T19:15:00.002+08:00

Didn't went to work for e past 1 week already..i dun have e mood to work anymore and no motivation like i used to..it's like i dun care about anythin anymore and now my main purpose for comin to work is just to earn money..COME TO WORK,FINISH GO HOME..sometimes i feel alittle underappreciated not at workplace but at home too,wif my frens and all...i wish life was easier and simpler..maybe it is simple i just making it seems difficult.. I want to get out from this place..i want to go somewhere where noone knows me..but hey dun everyone wish tat..i wan to change my road but it's hard..well im tryin to make tat possible..So right now im tryin to love myself..everythin bout me..and being a gal makes it kindda hard coz we tend to have self-esteem problem and all..but nevertheless, im tryin..once i learn to love myself..to e second step..TAKE CONTROL..

Anyway granny is goin to port ickson for a holiday for e next 3 days while im stuck at home..wish i wasn't working den i would come wif them..but..BUT..no money means no fun rite..hahah..im broke..and i need a new piece of top...so gonna go a little window shopping wif kin on friday..and hopefully i get to buy somethin i like...Dun u think tat everytime we're broke..there's always stuff tat attracts our attention and e desire to buy it but ur just plain broke...and when u got e money and ur feeling alittle heavy on e pocket, there's nothin tat u like tat u can buy..tsk tsk..

Arghh, im havin bad rashes on my feet and it's bad..it's itchy and swollen..and it looks bad..and it's itchin rite now..hahaha..hope it gets better very soon..

I love me,do u?

2009-04-04T13:46:00.002+08:00

ALright... haven been blogging for quite awhile..been busy wif stuff, i dun really have much to say right now, other than i am bored rite now.. and i dun really wan to go out either..

So work have been alright, just e normal everyday life @ Sentosa..scandals, biasness, bitching..kindda like gossip girl meets the desperate houswives..hahaha..Y'now work life is kindda different from skool..and sometimes i wish i can back to e skool days where u dun get judge or being picked at, and most of all worries...there's nothin much to worry bout other than worrying bout passing ur exams and making past to the next grade..
Talking bout skools..i wish i can go back to sec 2..tat was the best day of my life EVER..there's so many things tat happen tat can't be written down here...First was gettin close to my good frens..and gettin into trouble wif them but nvr get caught for any of it..guess im just lucky..and i remember being almost suspended for spreading rumours bout my fren..damn i was scared tat my mom was gonna beat e hell out of me..i couldn't sleep tat night coz i was just worrying e day i would get caught for it..but tat moment nvr came..(: lucky me..

It's also e year tat i met my first love..he was different from any boy in my class and he was a year older than me..and i wouldn't say he was cute or good looking..but wat caught ,y heart was tat he wrote on a piece of letter and on the letter it says " You have a beautiful smile and i like it".. i guess gals like being complimented bout them..being notice e way u smile..ur eyes...not you being hot or sexy or watever...

I am Miss Independant..Dare to take me on?

2009-03-29T18:50:00.002+08:00

I missed lots of stuff dis one week coz of my flu and my headache..basically i missed out IOS chalet yesterday coz of e headache i had after the interview..went to bed staright away after i got home and woke up wif a banging in my head..so i stayed at home thinkin bout all the fun they're gonna have while im at home sick...

So the interview was ok there was like 7 of them askin me questions and stuff but they didn't really anked me alot..so i hope it's a good sign and hope i get dis job..but e thing is i'll only will know it in 2 weeks time and even if i get it..i'll only start the training in sept coz they followin the NIE semester thing..so CROSSING MY FINGER, AND HOPE I GET IT...

Peace Out,Bitches

2009-03-26T15:04:00.002+08:00

Well, down with a flu for a couple of days already..omg..i can't afford to be sick wif the interview comin up dis saturday..shit im so nervous bout it coz i know the interview is gonna be like me being interviewed by a couple of interviewer..shit i wish i know all e questions tat they are gonna ask me..so tat i would get ready..i was suppose to get ready for the interview yesterday but i was just too sick to do..and i thought i would be better 2day but no..not 2day coz i can hardly open my eyes and my nose is so itchy and runny...so i guess i'll just get ready for it tmr,friday..hmmm...so on saturday im goin to e interview alone..damn tats gonna make me more nervous...u know..i know a few question tat they would ask..like:- " What makes YOU have the QUALITY to teach" or " WHY are you interrested in dis field" i haven thought of the answers yet..but i dun to think bout it too much too..u know wat i mean...oh well..just hope tat i'll be better tmr before the interview..and wish me luck ppl..

Anyway i got a msg from shimin tat her grandfather had just passed away..i always i've known tat her grandpa was sick..and i know tat everyone has to go sometimes...but e thing is i wanted to comfort her..i wan to tell her tat everythin will be fine..it's just e way of life..but i couldn't find the words to comfort her...i was like staring at e screen of my phone thinkin of words to say to her...i hate it when i get tongue tied..i mean i feel it and i wanna say it out but i just can't..it's the most suckiest feeling in the world...

Life is short they say..and i dunno y they say tat..i mean yes lately i find time is moving so fast that i can barely stand up wif it swooshing past me..days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months..and months turn to years..i hate dis feeling of running out of time...when i start feeling tat im running out of time..i tend to panic..and i tend to do desperate stuff without thinkin..and dis make ppl run away from me..i love to take things old..but hello im dying everyday..so how much more do u think i have to enjoy...ok u guys may say den enjoy every seconds of it..yes i would love too but most of the seconds im worryin every single small steps i take..

Anyway i need to start makin some of my wishlist come true before it's running too late..yikes..!!@~#

Im sick:(

2009-03-22T14:02:00.004+08:00

Hello..wats up readers..hope u guys are doin fine? survivin?
Well im havin a fabulous day i think..anyway i just got a stiff wif my younger sister, she just drive me crazy sometimes..and NO, im not dishin bad stuff bout her here tats so childish..i have to admit ta we always fight but hey, who doesn't..i guess tats wat they say tough love or sibling love or watever..sometimes at times like dis makes me wish tat i was e only childwhere i would get e room to myself and not gettin my clothes at her closet or sharing any stuff...but den again i would be lonely isn't it..hmmm who can i share my secrets or my whinnin to..tat'll be sad...i guess tat goes for kelly carlson song..my life would sucks without you..hahha..anyway i just wish she would just listen to me for once and not complain bout it..hmm...it's unfair...

Im thinkin of watchin a movie wif mummy..hhmmm i've realize tat lately i've avoidin my bestfren..i dunno y..it's seem like im just too tired to go out wif her anymore..and it makes me sad and dissapointed..i dun wan dis to happen..coz it sux..and it seems my fren list is gettin short too...oh yea..my 22 year old cousin is gettin married dis year..omg!!! crisis..she's gettin married and e other is engaged and wat do i have..my heart is still half empty..i dunno..but im just not ready to commit..i mean i wan a bf a long term one..but i just can't find e right guy..maybe it's not my time yet...so givin up on my love side..i decided tat a carreer one i should concetrate more..i know it dun gives us love at lonely times..but it makes our pockets happy(: rite..hahaha...so it shall be..carreer is to come first till i have like a million bucks$$$ in my bank...who says u can't find happinest eelse where..

My feet hurts...

2009-03-17T20:50:00.013+08:00

Damn, was super moody that friday, maybe coz im missing him. It's totally sux when u start missing someone who doesn't give a shit bout you. And im tryin very hard to forget him but i can't, the more i try to forget him, the more i'll miss him. The thing is i dun see havin a bright future wif him and i know this..But why is that i still somehow wishes that he would wan to be wif him..He's so hard to trust.Anyway, i was like pouting and dragging my feet all the way to work...thinkin of him and swearin at him for the fact that he left me without sayin anythin..anyway the day of work still have to carried on..did the opening of merlion do watever im suppose to do..and den my day brighten up with my beloved collegue,Saleha..she's so funny..she talks bout stuff alittle of sentosa gossip playin around..i totally forgot bout him and sudden;y he doesn't matter anymore to me..

And then in the late afternoon without me expecting anythin..there he is at e fountain with that smirk on his face lookin at my direction..i was kindda happy to see him, i have to admit but at the same time i was angry at him..Then he came by and i purposely asked him where did he go even though i've already know the answer, and the first thing he said was "why,do you miss me?" WTH!! when those few words came out from his mouth i knew he had been playin wif me..i dunno..maybe he just sees me as a fren or a flirt fren..i dunno..but i kindda told myself wat an asshole he is, but just now i just msg him and invited him to come wif me and my frens for the trip to batam...i do wan him to come but somehow i just got this weird vibe..i dunno..

Anyway that saturday i got an email for an interview as an allied teacher for MOE, i so freakin happy..im ready to mould my future..im ready to leave everythin..im ready to be just me, everythin for me me me..i dun wan anyone to stop me..and i do hope my interview goes well..so do pray for me that i would get e job..coz i need a break from all this nagging at home..sometimes i just feel that they dun understand me..and they dun even know that i dun understand myself as well..i have to admit it i am scared..i am super terrified..but i dunno wat i am scared of..MY FUTURE? GROWING UP? LONELY?

I am scared.

2009-03-09T19:11:00.004+08:00

Do you guys realise somethin...im always blogging on sundays hmmm..weird..i just can't seem to find something wise or funny to say..im so bored 2day..bleh...
i did some baking 2day and it turn out to be yummy..wanna try my food give me a call..muackz

Macoroni and cheese??

2009-03-08T13:28:00.002+08:00

I had the weirdest dream yesterday, i was a superhero not wif super power or anythin just a brave heart. I dun remember much of it but i know i save this guy in my dream from a shooting ball of fire.. i punch him out of the way and run for safety way from tat evil somethin.. i dun really know from whom we are running away.. and then we bump into my mom and we started arguing and i started screaming as if i dun care who she is to me.. But then i woke up coz my sister was gettin ready for work..hmmmm

Have u ever wish for a life that is more interesting and not always stuck in a routine, a continous cycle, where u have nothin to do, where it's always e same thing over and over again.. well i do..i wan my life to be like one of those movies where u go on an adventure and then somethin bad happen to u and u met someone good-looking, and then u start on an adventure and u fall in love..dun it seems like everythin turns out to be wat u excatly wanted in movies.. the prince always get the princess and the knight in shinning armour..or get myself bitten by a vampire and den i can live forever at dis age..but den won't i get lonely, won't i get bored of living..i guess its sometimes better to die den to live forever alone and living in e same routine forever...but too bad reality sucks.. there's no real romance adventure isn't it..and the princess dun always get the knight that she wans.. and if there is a vampire..call me..hahhaa

Today is sunday and im having e same repetition days again...i wake up, eat my meals, watch some tv, go out, and den night falls- i go to bed again.and den it's e next day.. u know wats my ultimate dream is, is to go backpacking in Europe, that would be so nice...coz i need to see e world..i really wan to..hmmm...i dunno...oh well

I love white

2009-03-01T20:30:00.003+08:00

I snipped off my fringe 2day and now it's super super short and it looks so weird, oh man..i guess i just have to pin it up..super ugly but i dun think it's tat obvious..and khariya u better pay me 50 bucks to keep my mouth shut if not im gonna tell ur mummy..haha:P

Went on an imaginary date wif my werewolf friend..HOT

2009-02-27T18:46:00.003+08:00

Well tat is just some of e pics we took on e D.Slicious outing..I guess if u wan to see more pics just click on fizzy's blog( http://panic89-twilightgurl.blogspot.com/
if u haven notice mine blog and fizzy is practically e same..haha i guess tats coz we share e same frens e same workplace basically everyone..

The 24th was fun excluding e fact tat ad ditch us..how mean of her..we started off our outing wif lunching at a thosai shop at little india and it's really kindda an experience for me..i mean e environment was totally different and e way they serve us e food..it's like " u wan some veggie curry, here u go" and POPPED they threw it at ur plate..well they didn't really threw it, u know wat i mean.. den we go for a good old fashion bowling..IOS crew versus MERSKYAD team, but we lose..count themself lucky better off next time, watch ur back IOS crew..haha

After tat we kindda get all confuse where to go so we decided to walk from marina square all e way town..it was drizzling, me and mummy(idah) had a romantic walkin wif her super mini pink umbrella..haha.. wanted to watch a movie but we just end up having dinner and just chill at lido till 2100hrs. and im mad at shafiiq he too ditch us..he owns me an apology he makes me waited for him..a sorry is not enough so now he owns me an eclair:P

This last paragh is for khairiya..i do sometimes look at e sky and wonder if somebody is feeling wat i am feeling..i think everyone does.. sometimes i do ask myself is there someone out there from a different place thinkin wat i am thinkin at e very same moment.. understanding wat we are thinkin feeling and emphazise us.. but i guess we nvr know isn't it.. life is unfair they say y do they say life is unfair to a kid who is just beginning to explore e world,isn't tat a form of disencouragement.. y do they say life is unfair coz we dun always get wat we wan.. if everyones get wat they wan den isn't e world a selfish place to be living in.. coz if we get wat we wan, do u think u would care bout e people around u.. would e question "are u alright?" ever be spoken..hmmm..opsss sorry i just make e simpliest sentence sounds so complicated..all i wan u to know is tat if u ever need anyone or somebody..dun look too far..just turn ur head..coz we're here..

Im in love with my makeups

2009-02-21T20:20:00.007+08:00

Went karaoke yesterday but we went up dancing to the songs from the mtv..we were shaking our asses and sweating like a pig hahaha but it was fun..and i tried doin tat squating dance and let me tell u dis it isn't tat easy and at e end of the day my thighs were aching wif pain.. If we were having dis much fun yesterday wat much more fun we would have on our outing on e 24th..it's kindda weird how we bond coz if u guys were to see us a month ago we were just e 'hi' frend and barely say much.. and look where we have come..and FIZZY 60 BUCKS FOR AN OUTING IS PRETTY FREAKING EXPENSIVE AND MY BANK IS RUNNING OUT OF MONEY ALREADY!!!

Well dis week has been alittle up and way too much down:( dis week im like a depression walkin zombie..and the fact tat i have no idea wat happen ot leo, it's like he disappear into thin air and i kindda know where he is..well i dun really know but i kindda guess it..he has went back to vietnam..tats sad..wats dis no goodbyes..geez..u know wat im not gonna care anymore..sigh i always says dis but i would still care..u know..oh well...

SHIKIN!!! i miss u..we should meet up pretty soon..i miss my skool days..i wish i could go skool for e rest of my life..hahaha but no tests la..who like test..tests are like teachers tryin to compare students..who is e smartest and the stupidiest..omg im startin to make e blog looks so boring..my writing juice is not here 2day..so im kindda shallow..and anyway i should just stop bloggin before it starts spitting crap...

Im secretly in love wif a werewolf..

2009-02-15T19:43:00.000+08:00

After so much of being influenced by my very own cousins and sis, i finally got myself a blog with much hesitation tat is..hahaha..i dun really have much to say for now nor i have anythin to spill out..so i shall take dis blogging as a therapy for my emotion and thoughts..kindda like a therapy session u know..

I shall start off wif sayin im a lost sheep..yup i lost my way and i need to find e road..and parents aren't a very good help at tat, all they do is pressurizing me wif wat i should do, and i know they wan wats good for me..hmmm i dunno..i really just dunno..i can't really say wat i feel coz there are no words to describe it..it's like ur stuck in a LALA land..stuck in between Peter Pan's land and Reality...

As for love..a disaster all i can say..yes yes im fickle minded..wat can i say i just love boys too much..but i dun think boys like me tat much though..hahaha oh well..do u find tat e guy tat u always wanted and hope for would always nvr look ur way and e guy tat u nvr look ur way would always notice u..every single thing..wats makes u happy, smile, e way u tilt ur head when ur curious e way u say his name...great tat person sounds so like me..

Oppsss word vomit..once i get startin wif wat i wan to say i just can't stop...i speak my thoughts too much..haha...

I love the smell of the sea...